Warning. The following article drips with sarcasm. This is a farcical promotion that is meant to be humorous and genuine at heart. But sometimes the truth hurts.

SM Entertainment is calling for your attention!

Click here for their official promoters…

www.onegeneration.com

They were kind enough to contact us and help us do the job they get paid for! HURRAH! everybody wins!!

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Seriously though, we do not agree or promote SLAVERY, especially in this age of liberal democracy. Not until SM Entertainment truly shapes up and respects their artists – truly caring for them as individuals and human beings – will we support them.

We do not want to be associated with SM Ent. nor do we want to do their dirty work. Please Child Labour (!) is so last century~

We do not agree with SM Entertainment and their ways, though credit must be given where credit is due. Their artists (a few of them) have done notable work and have made remarkable achievements that deserve kudos. We know and understand that one needs to appreciate the maker, so thank you to all mothers and fathers that brought forth the SM artists into this world. And God, of course, depending on what you believe in.

Here’s a list of “lucky” stars from SM that made it onto this post – conglomeration of post- , disbanded -, MIA -, and active SM artists. If you’re curious as to what the numbers refer to, they correspond to the various points made above. See if you matched them correctly.

1. H.O.T
2. Shinhwa
3. SES
4. BoA
5. Isak from Isak N Jiyeon
6. CSJH The Grace
7. DBSK
8. Super Junior – T – KRY – M – H – L – N – C – K – O – ETC even some korean characters if you like.
9. SNSD
10. SHINee
18. Ayumi Lee
19. Trax
20. KangTa

The rest refer to several, if not nearly all of SM artists, except a few sour ones, i.e. SNSD.

Please, if you have a dream, go after it. But don’t throw away your integrity in the process. Stand in the spotlight in a way that you are appreciated and respected. The very idols you want to become are suffering every day. Do not subject yourself to the same mental and physical strain or succumb to capitalized torture.

I’m sure your idols wouldn’t want the same for you.

So best of luck in your endeavor to reach that elusive light known as stardom.

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Sources:Google, Wikipedia, AsianFanatics
With love from the SYP staff

Warning: For those without a sense of humour, do not read the following article. This is a spoof and we mean no harm by it. If we find comments too unnecessary or offensive we will just delete them.
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Kpop has been ridden with problems for decades now and it needs a saviour. Well, a good old Agony Aunt to show them how to do things the ‘proper’ way, something like putting tea cosies on your coffee table and how to avoid drug addiction. ShenYuePop presents ‘Aunt Louise, Kpop Agony Aunt’, our resident Agony Aunt dedicated to showing idols or lack thereof, a thing or two and a point in the right direction. Aunt Louise has been helping idols stars with their dilemmas for 45 years now, and finally we’ve convinced her to join the ranks of our staff. Fifty tea bags and 234 scones later and we have this week’s edition. For the personal safety (reputational and emotional) of the senders, they will be kept anonymous.

Aunt Louise,

I’m a man who needs a boost of self esteem. I’m told I sing well but before everyone used to say that my singing partner was ‘Sexy’ and better looking than i was. He oozes self-confidence, but me, I can’t even look in the mirror. I am a man, and I got plastic surgery to look better. Now I’m getting girls, but i think it’s because of my new nose and double eyelids. How can I tell which woman wants me for me, or my new nose?

Sincerely yours,
Heartbroken but mending.

Dear you, (as your request, your name has been undisclosed for public, but darling, did you know that your name means ‘vagina’ in England?),

It is obvious; you are not a charming person. Please believe that women of these days are smarter than those of a few decades ago, or those of when Michael Jackson decided to dip himself in hydrogen peroxide. Today, when there’s no charming personality in a male’s body, women would prefer to go after some stock instead of a pointy nose and double eyelids. Because, what good can be done by a perfect nose and double eyelids on a stormy day? While money can give you a shelter of 2 storeys and 6 bedrooms, Jacuzzi, indoor swimming pool, a chef, plus several maids? Hence, I can see no reasons for you to be worried about women wanting you for your nose and eyelids. It’s something else they pursue. Be worried when you’re running out of your money, because you might as well be losing your women.

Not a Sewing Machine,
Aunt Louise

PS: i saw the picture and the videos of both you and your singing partner you sent me. Dear child, questioning motives behind relationships is never good for your mental health. You should be thankful there are ladies who are actually willing to be with you and your dead face, instead of your lively and cheerful singing partner.
PPS: would you please send this Aunt your partner’s mobile number?
PPPS: Darling, I just received your newest pictures. You do know that moulding those plastic and silicon and whatever, into your new nose might cost the same as the school tuition fees of thousands of children in Africa? Not forgetting, your mother’s ability to recognize you.

Aunt Louise,

I have a big problem; no one pays attention to me. I’m forced to do ridiculous special stages and perform with people I was never meant to perform with. I also had to perform the dance of moves of a person i shall call ‘CobrA’, problem is, I’m extremely wooden and I’m a ballad singer. My company made up a bad past to get attention, that didn’t work, then they made me look charitable, THAT also didn’t work. I’m afraid I may fizzle and die career-wise. What do you suggest Aunt Louise?

Everyone is more popular than me.

Dear the Most Unpopular Person in the World,

Have you ever thought of changing career?
Now, this off-license near my house is looking for a new cashier, shall i give you their address? They even provide a space in their loft for you to stay in, isn’t that sweet?

Lovely,
Aunt Louise

Aunt Louise,

I’m sexy as hell and my breasts are real. I like to think people also appreciate me for my music. I’ve done many humiliating ads for money and they don’t hire me unless I show off my body. Now I’m back to singing and I wanted to be ’serious’, but my company wouldn’t let me.

Aunt Louise how can i be taken seriously for my music and not my body? And what’s it like to be fully dressed?

Dear Sexy,

Thank you for the video you sent along with your letter. I had to spank my little nephew for watching it secretly, but of course he’s only a minor. But Good Lord, how can a beautiful and fine spinster like you dance in only a bra?? Oh this is really too much for my ladyness, I feel slightly dizzy…come back to me when you can send one video of you wearing a decent outfit, darling. Decent as in I don’t need to harass my poor nephew for watching your video.

And also to answer your curiosity about being fully dressed. You’ll never know until you try it yourself.

Dizzily,
Aunt Louise

PS: Please send me your Plastic Surgeons’ number (I promise I will take the secret to the grave); I think I also need a pair like yours.

Dear Aunt Louise, I’m a 23 year old male currently living in America. I came here with a purpose but ended up with an addiction to Krispe Kremes. I have nowhere to go here, and I’m too afraid to go back home. What do I do?

Dear Darling,

You should really try ‘In and Out Burger’. I heard from my relatives in the land of America, ‘In and Out Burger’ is delicate, supreme burgers.

Be careful of American beef,
An Originally-British Aunt

PS: I can see in your pictures that you love being… “Ghetto-ish”? And those jeans… Why would anyone wears jeans with diamonds on? *puts on shades*. Darling, you might want to consider dipping yourself in liquid black asphalt to get the right skin colour.

Hello Imo Louise, I’m a proud 26 year old Korean who has conquered Asia and the International movie market. I work endless days on my body, and am sporting the Casanova look. Unfortunately all I seem to attract are Philippino Ajummas. Help me. Picture attached for your reference

Dear Casanova,

Would you feel better if I say you just scored a non-Fillipino auntie?

The Non-Philipino Aunt Agony.

Greetings Aunt Louise. I’m a 22 year old Korean male, I’m a very nice and respectful person but my hair stylists don’t seem to like me, no matter how many times I thank them in Award Ceremonies. Is it me or do hairstylists not understand constructive criticism, maybe it’s because they only have a high school degree?

AND I DO NOT LOOK LIKE BAE YONGJOON!

Dear You,

I checked the stamp of your letter and found that you are from South Korea.

Darling, if you have problems with hair stylists, maybe it’s time for you to go to serve your country in the Military. With no hair, there will be no more hassle with your hairstylists whether to have your hair parted or unparted, because it’s departed! And in the Military you’ll have no time to think about tiny matters like hair dressers, because you will have to think about more serious matters, like defending your country from premature-launched missiles from your neighbour country. Or discussing with your barrack-mates about what group-tattoo you will get after being released from the service.

And of course you don’t look like Bae Yong Joon! He’s a real icon!!

Bae Yong Joon Lover,
Aunt Agony

Dear Aunt Louis. Actually, I corricted your name for you, by the way ^^
Actually, I’m a 18 year old beautiful girl who everyone loves deep down inside.^^ But, actually, for some reason people are too uneducated and stupid to remember my name. Actually, It’s not Bichanny, Tardfany, Turdfany, Tiphony or actually any other stupid variations . >_< God, actually, you guys are so stupid and uneducated. Haters! ^^

Dear… … … umm…Rebecca,

How about a big tattoo on your forehead to remind all dumb and dumbers’ about your name?

Louise,
The Aunt Agony

PS. I don’t really understand how Tiphony or Tripphaning gets related to your name, Rebecca. If you could, enlighten me please?
PPS. Actually, my original name sounds better than your choice of corrected-version, darling.

Dear Aunt Louise, I am a 21 year old female who looks like an ajumma. Being forced to display my mediocre talent to keep a corporation up a float in front of thousands of Japanese people who think that I’m Japanese too. This has caused me to drink heavily, and to do drastic things for attention. Please give me advice for I cannot escape this evil entertainment Music Lord who is trying to be the next JohnnyEnt in Japan. Help me.

Undisclosed-name as per request of the sender

Dear Darling,

Your name reminds me of a snake, and a terrible movie by that mediocre singer with definitely-not-mediocre rear body part as my nephew suggested. The sequel of the movie was about a snake in Kalimantan, which in reality, there’s no such snake ever found in Kalimantan. It was a very ridiculous movie i even thought the producer sucked loads of joint before he signed the deal.

Good Lord, seeing how your name itself implies bad relations to wicked (and mediocre) things, maybe you should think about changing your name.

It is like… Feng Shui, you know, the Oriental amazing and reliable thing to guide you in life! My neighbour Jacky is a Feng Shui expert, and Jacky says: “Bad name gives you bad life”. Like Lucy Liaw which means ‘You’re Dead’. I don’t know how that American-Chinese actress leads her life with such name. Or Monica Cheng, means ‘Touching Your Buttocks’, which at some occasions can be rather fine and enjoyable, so I don’t really understand whether that was a good or bad name.

So my advice is to change your name, as soon as possible, and for the love of God, drop the idea of using any animal for your name. For example, changing your name from Boa your recent name to Prawn is definitely degrading. To the shrimp.

You can consult a geomancer, or if you want, you can call Jacky. He’s a heavy drinker too by the way, so maybe you two can get pissed together.

Cheers!
Aunt Louise

Aunt Louise,
I am a short orange-coloured businessman affiliated with the devil. I run a large entertainment company that I like to call my empire. Anyhoo, I love money. And I love winning. But for some reason these 9 innocent girls I’ve recently been plugging aren’t getting me much in return. Fans of my other artists aren’t happy and are not coming to the concerts that they are in, or they will come and ignore them which creates bad press. Yet they are the only people that keep my Board of Directors, um…what’s the word… satisfied.

How can I get people to trust me again and how can I continue to um, “sell” these 8 girls without negative press?

P.s. I mean 9.

Dear Pimp,

I just checked the concert poster you were talking about, and Good Lord, that was the most hideous poster for a concert ever!

My smart nephew Johnnie told me that you are that kind of businessman that doesn’t sell your artists for their… “Musicality” (that’s what my dear Johnnie told me, that’s why he loves your artists, not for their “Musicality”. I’m not sure what he meant though, just hope the non-musicality factor is not something R-Rated.).

So here’s my advice, to drag people to your concert:
Get 5 of your most famous boys, and strip them off. Put their picture in your Concert poster. Just them. And the date of the concert, and where to buy the ticket. People will get the message.

As for your “Satisfaction Tools”, maybe it is a good idea just to keep them as simply you’re “Satisfaction Tools” for a while. Like keep them underground for the moment. And unleash them when the date hits the year 2100, hopefully by that time the bad press would have already been forgotten.

Much Love,
The Proud Aunt of Johnnie’s

PS : are you sure there are 9? My good nephew said there is this one member that people can hardly remember, so it doesn’t make much of a difference if you count them as only 8.

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That is it for today good people. And don’t worry if you too are in need of dire counselling in the world of ‘you’, Aunt Louise has allowed ‘commoners’ to participate. You can also send in suggestions for idol stars yourselves, to the following email address:
shenyuepop@yahoo.com

Tea Biscuits and a piping hot cup of tea to those who can guess every artist.

Credit:
louise, noonoo_shoo, Peony